I got the urge to resume writing here not too long ago. Ever since, an entry has been germinating and now it's time to start writing and see what develops.

I lost my domain name, demonkilla.com, a while back because I didn't have the money to pay the bill. Since there wasn't much going on, I eventually quit writing entries because I'm a firm believer in writing only when I have something interesting to say. At least, something I find interesting.

Around the time I stopped writing this blog, I started going to counseling sessions at the UNCC counseling center. I've had recurring bouts of sadness on a fairly regular basis for years. I am at heart an optimistic person, so I would just try to make it through these times of sadness and tell myself it would eventually get better. And it would.

Every now and then I would get concerned because these times of sadness would develop into something more; actual depression. I actually lost my virginity during one of these periods of depression. I didn't recognize the depression for what it was until after the fact, but...man...that was a pretty rough period.

Anyway, fast-forward to this past February. I was having another run-in with depression, and a dear friend of mine from Australia convinced me to take advantage of the free counseling that my school offers to students. I was adamant that I wouldn't be put on medication, but I went anyway. I was tired of feeling like I was feeling, and if there was any way I could get beyond that or find some help, I would be open to it.

I've been going on a fairly regular basis, and the counselor I've been seeing has a habit of asking some very insightful questions that I, as introspective as I am, don't ask myself. Around a month ago, something changed. I have no idea what changed, exactly, but I realized I was different. At some point along the way I began to look at life differently...began to look at myselfI differently. The most important change, though, is that I stopped questioning myself about everything. I stopped trying to second-guess every choice I made. I stopped worrying quite as much as I did.

I can honestly say that now, for the first time in a long time, I am happy. I thought I was overall happy before, but it's only in the absence of this unconcious behavior that I've been doing for so long that I begin to see the difference. More importantly, it's a difference that I like.

I still have stress. Life is by no means perfect. It is, however, much better than it was.

And so I am going to get back to the basics of what this blog is about; yours truly. Me and my perceptions and thoughts. Since this is, of course, an interactive medium you are more than welcome to share your thoughts and feelings, both positive and negative. I know the people reading this blog...and I know that some of you are not going to be very happy at all with the things I'll be writing about. However, there are plenty of other blogs out there you can read if you don't want to examine things I'll be talking about. Believe me, at some point we'll hit some things that will be uncomfortable both for you to read and me to write. I'm going to do it anyway, though, because these are issues that are important to me.

So what issues, exactly, am I going to be addressing? Things that are important to me. One issue I love discussing is religion. I have some very harsh words for Christianity. I don't really know where I stand anymore....not that I've lost my faith at all...but it's more I don't know where I belong with other Christians. Some of the things I believe now are things that I would have found abhorrent or repulsive just 5 or 6 short years ago. I certainly know that when these things are made known that my family and other Christian believers that aren't privy to my views on things will be shocked, or hurt, or even put me on prayer lists. I don't even know what to call my beliefs. According to the way I used to believe...I wouldn't even classify myself as a real Christian these days.

The odd thing, however, is that I still have my faith. I still firmly believe that there is one, and only one Godl. I believe that he sent his son to live a perfect life and atone for our sins with his death. I believe that his death paid the penalty for all sin and allows us to have fellowship with God as we were intended to.

I still see the hand of God at work in my life. His timing is impeccable...his provision is enough for what I need. If I had turned my back on Him, then I would have to fend for myself in these matters. Yet I still see God providing for things I truly need in a way that only He can. I've felt him speak to me and reassure me that I belong to Him in spite of me wondering if I had lost my way.

Here are just a few of the issues I am working through at the moment.

• Is the Bible 100% accurate? Is it possible to believe that the Bible contains divine truth and is divinely inspired, but also look at certain parts as being fictional? If you say no, it isn't 100% accurate, then what do you have to base your faith on? How do you discern if one section is true and another section untrue? It's a slippery slope to get started on.
• The Christian Church is in dire need of change. In its current state it is an incarnation of an outdated world view, Modernism, that insists there is one absolute and ultimate truth which can be found and can be known. The world has changed and left the church behind. The Western world is now Postmodern. It no longer believes in one ultimate truth or that any truth can be fully known. There is much more uncertainty. I am not saying that Christianity shuld conform to the world around it. I am saying that people will not practice a faith that they feel has no relation to their ordinary everyday life. Increasingly, Christianity as it now stands has become outdated and irrelevant. If the Church truly contains a supernatural truth, it will find a way to adapt...because its current incarnation is dying.
• What makes someone a Christian? Is it saying a prayer? Is it going to church? Is it sharing your faith? Is it simply believing that some guy died and rose from the dead a long time ago? Is it agreeing not to smoke, drink, or associate with those that do? Where is the magical line that separates Believers from the Nonbelievers?

Trust me, there's more to come.

As you may have noticed, the design looks *much* different than it did. I felt it was time for a redesign, and I hope you like it.

Finally, the title of this blog has changed from (untitled life) to "Imago Dei," which means "Image of God." I was actually looking for a word having to do with metamorphosis, because I feel that I've undergone quite a transformation in the past few years. The word I kept coming back to was "chrysalis," which didn't seem right. A chrysalis is a stage that a butterfly goes through during its life cycle...but the next stage, the adult life cycle, is called "Imago," which is Latin for "image." I began looking for phrases with the word "Imago" and came across "Imago Dei." It seemed to fit. According to Scripture, I am made in God's image, so it's perfectly legitimate to name my blog that. Whatever I am, and whatever I do, I was created to live a life in God's image. It's a lofty goal, and some would say (and will say) that I have no right to even imply I am anything like God because of the life I lead and the things I do. I would say to those people that it's not up to you. It's up to God. As my cousin is fond of saying, "only God can judge me."

Unfortunately, others still try to make it part of their job description.

Thanks for reading. It's 1:30am and I am exhausted. Happy 4th of July...

The Church is in decline when it comes to attendance. Since the early 90's, attendance in American churches has been falling steadily. There has been talk that eventually this will lead to The Church's extinction and/or irrelevance.

I think that notion is rather ridiculous; Christianity has been around for 2,000 years. It was an integral part to the lives of America's founding fathers. I doubt the American church will shrivel up and die anytime soon.

However, I do think that a change is underway that will change the way that The Church interacts with the world around it. I'm not talking about a minor change, either. I think that it is a fundamental shift in perception that many will not even view as real Christianity. In what may be viewed as a paradox, I believe that this shift in Christianity will result in something closer to what was intended by God when it was first formed. It obviously will not be perfect, but I think it will be a step in the right direction.

Due to the freedom of religion you find in America, many people are excercising their right to choose by not being involved. If you'll look at this page on Wikipedia about America, in 1990 88.3% of those surveyed identified themselves as belonging to Christianity. By 2001 this had dropped 8.5% to 79.8%. Among those, the number of people who are Christians not affiliated with a denomination had risen from 4.7% to 7.2%; a 2.5% increase. That's a lot of people not attending church on a weekly basis.

Religion is a touchy subject. It can easily cause arguments. The American church has earned a reputation for being full of hypocrites, closeminded individuals, people with superior attitudes and are unwilling to think for themselves. Unfortunately, in many cases these charges are true.

The excuse I used to make for that kind of behavior is that those sorts of people aren't "real" Christians. As I got older and met more and more people, I saw more and more of the same sorts of behavior, even among people I would consider "real" Christians. I've begun to think that the problems emanate from The Church itself.

What, exactly, are these problems?

1. False love
2. Emphasis on outward actions and behavior
3. Reliance on the accuracy of literal interpretation of the Bible as a lynchpin for faith.
4. Resistance to cultural change
5. Commodotization of The Gospel
6. Insular culture; a loss of touch with reality
7. Lack of emphasis concerning spiritual gifts and fruits

I'm sure there are more. I don't have time to go into detail on these things now. However, these things are at the root of my dissatisfaction with The Church as it stands now.

My faith is very important to me, and I hate to see it twisted into something it was never intended to be. I am not alone in this. There are others out there with a similar view. Until these problems are recognized by The Church as a whole and addressed, attendance will continue to decline. Young adults will continue to flee The Church as soon as they are able.

The Church can kid itself that it is still relevant in a Post Christian society, or it can make changes to its methods and doctrine in an attempt to align itself more closely with its original mission: to make the Gospel known and bring people into a right relationship with God.

After catching up with the odd-looking man that day on the pier, the man had turned to him and smiled knowingly, as if he had known Ryan was going to make the choice to come along. Ryan had started with a barrage of questions: "Who are you? How do you know me? Why do you walk about in public with stained clothes? What do you mean by dragging me off to some unknown location?"

The Artist held up his hand, motioning for Ryan to be quiet.

"All you need to know, Ryan, is that I've had my eye on you for quite a while. We know many of the same people, though I doubt some of them would admit to it." The Artist chuckled, and explained, "I have a bit of a bad reputation."

He motioned to his hat.

Suddenly noticing the hat, Ryan looked around to see if anyone he knew was around. Thankfully, the area was clear. It would not reflect well on him to be seen with someone wearing a hat.

Ryan asked a few more questions, but The Artist merely said all would be revealed in time. The pair walked through the city and eventually got to the bad side of town. Ryan became very uncomfortable. Suddenly, a large and dangerous-looking man who was wearing a hat took note of the pair and began walking toward them. Ryan began to get very nervous as the man drew closer, and closer. Was he going to rob them? Attack them?

"Hey!" The man shouted. Ryan and The Artist both looked at the man. Ryan was terrified; it would simply not do for him to be found dead in this section of town!

The Artist's face broke into a wide grin. "Tyrone!" The Artist exclaimed. "I didn't even see you! How's it going?"

"Can't complain, my man. I saw you walking down the street without even saying hello and I knew I had to rectify the situation. Who's your friend?" Tyrone gestured at Ryan.

Tyrone and The Artist embraced.

"This is my new student. His name is Ryan. I'm taking him to the studio."

Tyrone was clearly impressed. He offered his hand. "Ryan, it is quite an honor to be chosen to learn from this man. And it is an honor to meet you."

Ryan was taken aback, and hesitantly shook the man's hand.

"Ryan, come on," The Artist said. "It's time for you to see the studio. And Tyrone, I'll see you around."

"Right on, man! I'll see you later."

After walking for a few more minutes, Ryan spoke. "Sir?" he queried, "Why did you act that way with Tyrone? He's not the sort of person polite people associate with. Yet you treated him like an equal."

"It's simple, Ryan. He is an equal. He's been a very good friend to me and I love him for it."

Ryan thought about this for a moment.

"But, sir, people of polite society don't wear hats."

"And that is why I normally avoid 'polite' society. It often isn't."

Ryan realized that The Artist was correct. He had often seen members of his strata of society often behaving worse than those they looked down upon.

"And at some point, Ryan, you need to ask yourself whether a hat is inherently wrong in and of itself. What is a hat, really? It's just a piece of cloth stichted together in a certain way, and you put it on your head. Is it a hat that is evil, or is it the person wearing that hat?"

"Well..." Ryan started to respond, "...I'm not sure."

"Then think about it. Let me know when you have an answer."

The Artist suddenly stopped walking.

"Ah, here we are!" he exclaimed.

Ryan looked at the building. It was a small, nondescript house.

"What is this place?" he asked.

"This," The Artist replied, " is my studio. It was where I am going to change your life. "

Biology is confusing enough. Biology on very little sleep is incomprehensible.

At Shane and Emily's apartment

Tab is so scared she's shaking. I feel awful.