Today has sucked. No particular reason...I've just felt "blah" all day.

I went to a park today and skateboarded for a while.

Then I went to Zack and Robbie's to hang out. They bought my dinner, and we started watching this movie that was absolutely terrible. So I left their apartment and came back here to the trailer, where absolutely nothing is going on.

This is one of those days that I just wish would end.

Good thing for me that in a few hours it will.

Substitute teacher indicted on indecent liberties charge
By Erin Rickert, The Daily Reflector
Thursday, January 26, 2006

A former substitute teacher with Pitt County Schools was indicted by a grand jury Monday on charges she was having an improper relationship with a student.

The indictment for taking indecent liberties with a student at South Central High School came after Jacquelyn Faith Garrison, 19, of 160 Foxcraft Lane in Winterville was arrested Jan. 6, court documents show.

The allegations stem from approximately 50 phone calls and text messages exchanged between Garrison and the then 15-year-old young man.

If convicted of the charge, Garrison could face up to eight months in prison. Her case is set for trial Feb. 26.

Heather Mayo, Pitt County Schools spokeswoman, said Garrison was hired by Pitt County Schools January 2005 as a part-time substitute teacher.

Garrison was substituting while attending East Carolina University to obtain her teaching degree, ECU spokesman John Durham said.

Wednesday, Mayo said the school system has no age requirement for substitutes, but applicants must have at least 32 hours of college credit.

This meant the second semester junior would have met the requirement in 2005, Durham said.

Garrison has been removed from two education courses that would have her working in the public schools, Durham said.

During her employment, Garrison worked at South Central High School and four other schools, Mayo said.

There were several occasions Garrison taught at South Central, mostly in an exceptional students class.

Those enrolled were there to get help in different subjects they struggled with, Mayo said.

In one of the South Central classes, Garrison met and allegedly exchanged cell phone numbers with the teenager, Phillip Moore, a detective with the major crimes unit at the Pitt County Sheriff's Office, said.

From that point on, Garrison allegedly initiated more than 50 phone calls and about 10 text messages to the teen – made mostly during the Thanksgiving holiday weekend, Moore said. She reportedly got him out of class a few times.

Eventually, Moore said, "The conversations got friendly and things of a sexual nature came up."

Claiming he was uncomfortable about where things had gone, the teen reported the alleged relationship to school administrators Nov. 28.

His allegation sparked an investigation by the Pitt County Sheriff's Office and internal investigation by the school's human resource department.

While Moore said the investigation by the sheriff's office continues, the Pitt County Schools' investigation wrapped up Dec. 16.

Findings of the investigation meant the permanent removal of Garrison from the substitute list, Mayo said.

Garrison was informed of the school system's decision in a January letter, she said.

Garrison was indicted the same day former South Central English teacher Katherine B. "Katy" Tew, 31, was sentenced to two years probation for taking indecent liberties with a student.

As a result, the school system plans to reiterate appropriate student teacher conduct, Mayo said. "It's a big deal and we are going to do all we can to make sure staff understands what's appropriate," Mayo said.

She said the issue will likely be addressed during a monthly principal meeting in February.

---

I found out last night about this, and to be honest it surprised me. I do not really know Faith that well. It's been a year or more since I've seen her, and I don't know that I've ever had a conversation with her.

She's been through a lot. Her mother died several years ago after a long battle with illness, and her dad, Delbert, is an evangelist with the Church of God. It's been a long time since I've heard anything about him, so I'm assuming it's still the case.

Children of those in ministry face a lot of pressure. Not only are the parents expected to be perfect, that same expectation is extended to their children. In addition, they often see the less-than-pleasant side of ministry, such as the hypocrisy of people who claim to have faith but deny it by their actions. Many times, children of ministers reject the faith of their parents and go through life bitter at the church.

I'm sure the vultures will soon descend. A lot of Church of God people in Eastern North Carolina know her and her dad...she is bound to hear from some of those people that think that telling her she's sinned is their right as a Christian.

I'm not sure what church she's going to, but I hope the people around her will support her instead of pointing fingers and gossiping about her.

I feel bad for her. How would you feel if something you'd done wrong was trumpeted for all the world to see?

I hope things get better for her, because right now things are looking bad.

Update
I received the following e-mail from someone that knows more than I do about the specifics.

"Ben, I saw your post about Faith...They go to UCOG now. If there ever was a pastor that could be compassionate in the face of something like this, it's Pastor Flora. I have all confidence there. Also, whatever else anyone may say or think about UCOG, the majority of us will provide as much support and comfort as possible. It's an awful thing in every respect, her future, the humiliation of it, everything. We're all flesh, we are all capable of messing up big-time and we can only hope and pray we don't end up on the news. "

I agree. University Church of God excels at extending compassion to its members, and I can't think of a better person than Pastor Flora to provide the love and acceptance that is needed.

Last night I took a few hours and updated my article about hearing from God. Check it out. Leave comments.

Foreign Leaders Shocked at Hamas Win

I'd be willing to say it's not a good thing when a known terrorist group wins an election.

Gasp...Christian music!

Everything (Apron Full of Stains)
The Normals

She walks to the table with an apron full of stains
And asks "Hey sir, what can I get for you today?"
I try to be polite and make nice conversation
But the food's no good
She doesn't seem to even notice me here
Her shoulders slumped I see her
Tear-stained eyes head back through
The double swinging doors serving pies
Was not her goal in life
I leave a tip like I think Jesus would and smile
"Thanks alot, have a nice day" and I'm on my way
Jesus what would you do?
Can you teach me how to love like You? Oh...

I want to give you everything
But I've got nothing of my own at all
And if I give what I have not got
Will You fill me up and make me whole?
Yeah...

I see him sitting by the side of the building near the street sign
He's got a sign saying "I will work for food"
He looks up with his glazed over eyes says
"How 'bout a dollar for a veteran, a fellow American"
Empty stomach, empty mind, empty soul
Have I got the time to feed him a little broken bread? No.
Do I toss up a prayer as I walk on by, or give him a tract and a weak fake smile
Or do I take the time to show him a little love?
Don't feel like I've got anything to give
So I guess I've got nothing to lose
Yeah

I want to give you everything
But I've got nothing of my own at all
And if I give what I have not got
Will You fill me up and make me whole?
Yeah...

I come back a couple weeks later see the
Same apron, same stains, same splint end hair pulled back
She comes near and says "Hey mister, your smile picked me up
The other day, just thought I'd say...
...Thanks."
Well I don't know why
It takes all my effort to try
Yeah

I want to give you everything
But I've got nothing of my own at all
And if I give what I have not got
Will You fill me up and make me whole?
Yeah...

Make me whole
Make me whole

She walks to the table with an apron full of stains
And asks "Hey sir, what can I get for you today?"

Off to work.

Joy.

I heard this Relient K song today for the first time. At just the right time. And it freaked me out. It's called "The Truth."

And I've collected all these thoughts
And I'm dying just to lose them
And if your words are true or not
I'll die trying to prove them
But I'll just have to accept
That my mind is so inept
And the only thing that's left
For me to do is to trust you

Convince me
Because I really need your help
Oh convince me
Because I can't see this for myself

I'll put the emphasis on the evidence
Begging for the proof
Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth

This is so unnerving
I know you've never lied to me before
But the things you're telling meI can't yet believe
Yet can't ignore
But I'll just have to accept
That my mind is so inept
And the only thing that's left
For me is to trust you

Put the emphasis on the evidence
Begging for the proof
Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth

It's a world full of cynics
Who say to stay alive in it
You gotta stick with what you know
But the soul is always aching
For the heart to start taking
A chance by letting go

So let go
Let go
Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth
Attempt to place our lives into your hands
Confide in what you'll do
Cause sometimes when you're trying to sleep
And all your doubts and your faith don't agree its cause
Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth

Today was a busy day. I woke up and spent a few hours replying to an e-mail. After that, I got some lunch, watched The Simpsons, and drove over to the church so I could prepare for Underground. We finally got our huge plasma screens and LED lights hooked up.

I spent around 4 hours trying to get everything ready for the service. I'm in charge of the technical stuff for Underground...everything from lyrics showing up on the plasmas to making videos to lighting. Lighting is an area I've been pretty weak in until recently; I've had to learn how to make it work.

Technically speaking, the service went really well tonight. Caleb was a tremendous help. It turns out that we had to have two computers in order to make everything work like it needed to. One computer was hooked up to the plasmas, and one was hooked up to the lights. The only problems stemmed from that fact that I had just learned how to make the lights work, so the musicians didn't have as much light as they needed to play.

In the grand scheme of things, it was a minor problem. I should have plenty of time to play with the lights this week and make them like they need to be for the service next week.

I enjoy Underground and the things I'm able to do in connection with it, but it's a lot of work sometimes. The next few weeks shouldn't be that bad, since there aren't really any videos due for a while. Looks like we need a promotional video for Doubt Night in March, where we're inviting people to submit questions about doubts they have concerning Christianity, and Nate and a few other people will try to answer those questions.

So yeah...things should be calming down with Underground for a bit. The footage for Youth Camp has come in, and I've watched a good bit of it. Most of it is terrible; I'll be lucky to make a 1-minute video, let alone 5. I also have some web sites to start working on.

I shall be busy.

I'm tired. Off to bed for me.

We played this video tonight at Underground. I think it's the best one I've made in recent memory. Turn your volume up...the sound isn't too good.

Christians spotted drinking alcohol

Okay, so it's not the point of the article about Iranian Jews and Christians, but it's interesting to see how different cultures treat issues.

I had hoped it was apparent, but from the comments people have left, it is not.

Lark News is satire. The stories are not real.

They are, however, very very funny.

I've just returned from work, so off to bed I go.

Tonight I shall be working on a quote to make the web site for the ladies' ministry at Concord First Assembly. I'm also planning to finish watching Season 4 of The Simpsons, watch "Punch Drunk Love," and work on draft 2 of Snafu. I'm on page 16. I've been wanting to write a long blog entry, but I've had nothing to really write about.

Oh, I should take this opportunity to publicly apologize for the comments I made to my sister about needing Christian pens. Apparently she wants a Christian pen so that she is sure to get them returned to her when she loans them out. Quite clever.

Also, the front page of my web site has been rearranged, along with the About Me page. Check them out, let me know what you think.

Ciao.

Edit: Gasp! I do not have Punch Drunk Love! I must have pawned it when I was in dire financial straits. Yet...I still have Once Upon A Time in Mexico. What was I thinking?

This film has violence, nudity, bad language, and drug use. But it's the best film about addiction that I've ever seen.

At least, that's the forecast for this evening. When it rains, that means I get to stay in my car for the majority of the evening. If I can't do any sort of physical activity (walking around, skateboarding, etc), then it makes it much easier to fall asleep. Last night was awful; I spent the majority of my 11 hours trying to stay awake. Yes, I had stuff with me that I could do, but I was too tired to focus on anything.

Tonight I'll be watching season 4 of The Simpsons, and hopefully that will keep me awake. I really, really, really despise this job.

Do black people love you?

Happy MLK day.

Cussing evangelist brings gospel to the vulgar

Courtesy of Lark News, and of course Christina.

Now this is scary.

The last post was not an attack on anyone that normally reads this blog. It was not an attack on my family. They are not the sort of Christians I was describing. I may not see eye-to-eye with them on every issue, but I know overall they love God and are doing what they can to serve Him.

As for profanity, I think it's very much a cultural issue. For example, in Australia they say several words in church that American Christians would be appalled at. And they think nothing of it. God never gave us a list of words that we can and cannot say. We have guidelines... "Let your speech be always full of grace...", "Let no unwholesome thing come out of your mouth," etc.
Speaking from my own experience, I can say that I used to separate people into the "Christian" and "nonChristian" categories based on whether or not they used profanity. Eventually it led to a sort of moral superiority on my part because I didn't do that kind of thing. Frankly, I feel that this sort of thing is wrong. It makes it easy to lose sight of the fact that without God's grace we are all sinners.

My usage of profanity was not designed to push people away so I "wouldn't have to deal with them." It was intended to show that I believe you can use strong language without losing your salvation. And yes, to be honest, it was intended to offend. Not simply for the purpose of being offensive; that would be pointless. It was to show that I think that the way Shannon was expressing her frustration isn't the end of the world.

I do believe that excessive usage of strong language is a sign of a lazy mind. It's called "strong language" for a reason. Just like a spice, if it's used too much it loses its effectiveness. I do not normally use profanity around people that will be offended by it, like my family. However, the "let's tell my parents I say bad words" conversation just never seemed to come up.

It was not my intention to bash all Christians that are not myself. Or to bash people that try to "live their lives in ways that please the Lord, in a holy, separated life." There is a difference between living a life pleasing to God and hiding under the covers, trying to keep the world out.

And no, life is not about me. But this is my blog, so what I write is allowed to be self-centered from time to time. I'll be the first to admit that this is only my perspective, and that I do not have all the answers. However, this is the truth as I see it.

Everyone has issues; everyone has problems. I will freely admit that I struggle with finding common ground with Christians that are a bit more conservative than I am. I struggle with keeping a humble attitude about the freedom I'm afforded in Christ.

The important thing, as my mother pointed out, is to focus on common ground. At the same time, though, issues shouldn't simply be swept under the rug. We shouldn't give people with deep wounds a bandaid when we know they need something more serious. It's what the church at large has excelled at for years. We would do well to learn from its mistakes.

It's human nature.

Let's say you come across a traffic jam. You crawl along for miles, and see flashing lights up ahead. It's a state trooper. And an ambulance. Then you see the wreck. Admit it. When you get close enough...you look at the accident scene. You slow down for as long as you can to get a good look at what happened.

Out loud, you may say "Oh my God!"

Inwardly, though, you think "I'm glad it wasn't me."

Of course, traffic accidents aren't the only places we do this. Christians love to rubberneck when someone's life goes to hell. If someone falls ill. Or if a marriage gets into trouble. Or someone backslides.

A few weeks ago the Prime Minister of Israel, Ariel Sharon, had a massive stroke. Pat Robertson was quick to stick his nose in the situation and call it the judgment of God. How uncalled for! Even if good old Pat was right, how tactless to say such a thing. Where is the love in that?

Love is supposed to be the defining characteristic of a Christian. Many times, though, we find Christians acting in ways that are anything but loving. Of course, it's always other Christians that act in this hateful manner. Never us. We only have the very best of intentions, and after all, it's the intention that matters.

Newsflash: You can have the best "intentions" in the world, but your actions will always give you away.

Shannon is going through a tough time right now. Do I know why? Were I your standard garden variety "judge-me-not" Christian, I would definitely know the answer. She's not praying enough. She isn't reading her Bible enough. She didn't have a perfect Sunday School attendance record. Obviously her life is not right because you can judge a tree by its fruit. What's the fruit of her life? She's jobless, her roommate dumped her, she's not going to church, and she...well, she uses bad words.

Bad words are the ultimate benchmark to judging someone's internal spiritual life. A true Christian does not say certain words that are deemed to be unacceptable. It's part and parcel of being a good Christian. If you're a Good Christian, you can't say things like "damn." Or "bastard." Or "bitch." Or "shit." Or "fuck." If you say words like that, you'll lose your membership card. People will talk about you. Or get offended. Or...they'll even decide to pray for you, that you'll learn not to say naughty words. After all, if you say bad words, how will people know you're a Christian?

It's a slippery slope. If you use bad words and it's okay to use bad words, where does it end? Next thing you know you'll be drinking or smoking, and hanging out with the sorts of people that do those things. And Good Christians don't do that. We don't associate with those kinds of people for fear that their sin will latch onto us. After all, it's much easier to simply write off certain behaviors than it is to use our God-given intellect and make up our own minds. Baaa!

So, having decided that Shannon is not "right with God," we feel that it is our Christian duty to pull her back from the brink. Of course, this should only be undertaken by people that do not know her very well. Her family? Much too close to the situation. They aren't objective enough to see the rampant sin in her life. After all, she says "shit!" What further proof do you need that her life is not in the right place? So we whisper amongst ourselves...we offer prayer requests for her...we reminisce about how on fire she used to be.

"What went wrong?" we ask our friends. However, Bildad and Zophar can't come up with a valid explanation. So we sit in silence. Knowing that Shannon has done wrong. Waiting for the other shoe to drop and her terrible sins to be revealed! Then we can be justified in out holier-than-thou attitude. Because you see, our attempts to "rescue" Shannon from the wages of sin are really nothing more than a pitiful attempt to prove that our perspective is right. And that she is wrong. Because bad things simply do not happen to Christians without a good reason.

It's impossible. Once you give your life to Jesus everything is sunshine and rose petals. Sure, you may have troubles every now and then, but it's because we're righteously following Jesus. Of course the enemy will attack us. We're Good Christians. We don't smoke. We don't drink. We don't say "damn." And so that makes us closer to God and better than people that do.

Then again, I'm not your standard Christian. And it's a good thing. Because I probably would have felt compelled to tell Shannon how she can get her life together. Because I would have all the answers. Everything would be black and white.

Of course, being a Christian wouldn't be as easy. Sure, the Bible says that belief is the only thing needed for salvation...but I know through experience that it's more than that. I would have to adhere to certain cultural standards in order to be a Good Christian. I'd have to go to church every week. No bad words. No smoking. No drinking. No being like the world. I'd have to shield myself from aspects of the world in general to avoid being offended. Some movies and music would be off limits. I'd have to avoid socializing with certain people. Instead of living an abundant life (that pun is so intended), my life would be devoted to making sure I was not offended by something. Or potentially contaminated by sin.

Wake up. There is more to life.

It's not as though He who lives in me is greater than the forces of evil I may encounter. Or that I'm commanded to be in the world, confident that my Savior has overcome it. After all, the Great Commission is to "Stay ye inside your churches and become clones of one another."

And so we sit in our padded pews, congratulating ourselves that we are not like "those people" out in the world. And the enemy of our souls is thrilled, because if we are trapped inside such a limited worldview, there is no way we can see past our own smallmindedness and make a true difference in our world.

What a fucking shame.

Hey, what do you know? I'm still a Christian.

Operating on four hours of sleep? No fun.

Having to stay up until 6:30am tomorrow? Even less fun than the aforementioned no fun.

I just got back from my job interview with a company that installs multimedia equipment in churches. The interview went okay, but the guy I talked to seemed hesitant about hiring me. I'm supposed to fill out an application and send it in to them, and they might get back to me.

And I was so ready to quit my job today...

This is sobering.

Last night around 6:45 I started getting sleepy. So I took a nap.

I woke up shortly before 8am this morning.

For those of you keeping score, that's about 13 hours.

I felt so much better this morning. And I am tired once more, but I have to work this evening. I have a job interview tomorrow afternoon at 3, and I'm hoping that I get hired so I can quite my security job.

What a day, glorious day that will be.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6
Mind:	6.2
Body:	6.5
Spirit:	7.9
Friends/Family:	3.8
Love:	3.1
Finance:	6.5
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

There are many different things I want to do in life. I believe that this year is when I'm actually going to begin accomplishing some of those goals. I'm tired of talking endlessly about something, only to lose enthusiasm and then stop working on it. If I'm to be successful in life, I have to follow through on things. So this year, I am going to follow through on some things. We'll see what happens from there. I'm sure it will be interesting.

Here's a post from my friend Christina about vocabulary usage.

Click here.

I was looking through my computer and discovered some great pictures of my brother back in the day.


I'm sure he shall retaliate in some fashion, but to this I say: bring it, foo'!

A pretty serious flaw has been found that affects every version of Windows, and will allow a virus attack simply by looking at an infected image. This is no hoax; it's very real. Microsoft has finally released a patch for it and you can download it at the Windows Update site. Do it right now.

I dont' know why, but I'm a sucker for online surveys. This survey was on Abbey's blog, and though I haven't actually talked to her in...years?...I recently discovered her blog and really like her writing style. The following is in response to her.

1. Your full name? Benjamin W. Smith; My middle name is a secret!
2. Age? 26
3. Favorite Color? In general? blue. To wear...darker colors
4. Favorite Movie? This changes so often. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Requiem for a Dream; Fight Club
5. Favorite Song? Right now? "Hypnotize"
6. Favorite Band? John Meyer isn't technically a band, but I find myself listening to him a lot.
7. Most embarrassing moment? There are so many to choose from. One of my latest is getting into a car and hitting my ear on the door somehow.
8. Are you a Virgin? With A Capital "V?" Sure.

Here comes the fun...
1. Are we friends? Nope. Even saying we're acquaintances might be sort of a stretch.
2. Do you have a crush on me/ are you attracted to me? Uh...no
3. Would you kiss me? Never
4. Would you ever ask me out or go out with me if I asked you? Probably not. Huge age difference.
5. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about yourself. I can make an ice cream cake like nobody's business.
6. Would you take care of me when I'm sick? Well, if everyone you knew was suddenly out of the picture and there was nobody else you could rely on, then sure thing. Not that I'm opposed to helping people, but I doubt you and I have ever exchanged more than two sentences. Might be kind of weird.
7. Do you want to tell me something that you couldnt before? You seem to be quite artistic. Kudos.
8. Have you heard any rumors of me lately? Nope.
9. Do you/have you talk[ed] crap about me? Again with the nope.
10. Do you think Im a good person? Sure
11. Would you let me sleep with in the same bed? That came out of left field! I think I'm going to have to bring back the "nope" one more time.
12. Do you think im attractive? Sure
13. Are there ever times that you want to call me but dont? Honestly, no.
14. Would you ever listen to my problems even if they dont involve you? Sure
15. If you could change anything about me, would you? what would it be? Don't know you well enough to answer this question.
16. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out? Probably not.
17. Would you repost this so I can fill it out for you? I'm reposting this simply because I like surveys. If you want to fill it out, go right ahead.

I've worked each of the past three nights, and have gotten about 5 hours sleep per day. I'm tired. As noted yesterday, I have a ton to do. Today, though, I'm going to do my best to relax. If I could get some rest I'd feel much better, but it's like I can't sleep past 11:30.

I'm so tired, though, I may take the drastic step of a nap later. We'll see.

I do not want to move from this spot. This is how tired I am.

Even though I'm taking this day for myself, I really do not want to do anything. Maybe I'll go see a movie. Wonder what's playing. Nothing really grabs my attention other than Chicken Little. And I really don't want to go to the mall.

Man, I'm thirsty. Yet I do not want to go to the refrigerator and pour myself a glass of water. This, my friends, is laziness. (Well-deserved, I might add, but laziness just the same)

While stream-of-conciousness entries are fun and all, my exhaustion is affecting my mood...so much so that this entire entry is pretty pessimistic. I hope you've enjoyed this journey down Woe-Is-Me Ave. as much as I have.

Well, I'm off to have fun. Even if it kills me.

I have a lot on my plate.

For the past week or so I've been working on the web site for Underground, which is First Assembly's new ministry to college students. I have also been working on a video (it's a work in progress) that we're going to show this Sunday morning to advertise Underground. I also need to pimp out the Myspace page I've set up for it.

Very soon I'm going to start working on the web site for First Assembly's children's ministry.

I was talking with my friend Jill, who is a secretary at FA. Since she was working, she had to take a phone call. It was a secretary with the A/G district youth office. This secretary was telling her about how the youth office was trying to get in touch with me to do some video editing, and did Jill have my phone number?

She said "Actually, Ben is here at my desk. You want to talk to him?"

So I spoke with this person. They want me to put some promotional videos together for 2006 youth camp. They're even going to pay me to do it. The catch, though, is they have to be done very quickly...by the 22nd, I think.

Then there's another video I have to do for Underground later on this month.

I'm going to be busy.

I found an unsecured wireless network! Too bad I'm only at this site once a week.

Thus ends my very short post.

Since I've learned how to use a web technology called CSS, I'll probably change the look of my blog fairly soon. If anyone has any nifty ideas, feel free to contribute.

I just had a conversation I've been needing to have with one of my friends. It is not something I wanted to do, but it needed to be done. It went well...as well as these types of things can go...but emotionally I feel terrible.

I hate this.