I said what I wanted to say.
Acted as I wanted to act.
Did what I wanted to do.
Stopped worrying.

What if I step out?

Will I fall?
Will I crash and burn?
Again?
Will I survive?

Lots of questions.
Though this is nothing new.
You'd think I would be used to it by now.

Guide me, dear Lord.
As I attempt what seems impossible.
Again.

I was browsing the blog of a new friend and found the following song she has written. It's quite...appropriate.

You think you're crazy
Because you dared to believe
In truth your heart breaks
And your shell it bleeds

And you saw your reflection in his eyes
And you’re saddened by your face so tight
When did you believe the lie…

That love would never find you
That hope would never be yours
That dreams would only unwind you
They make you vulnerable, they’re not worth reaching for

And you swear it’s worth the ulcer
To hold your negativity in
It’s worth the secrets
Just to be the one with leather skin

And the lines on your face are from squinting in the sun
And you fragile heart is bound by wire tight
Why did you believe the lie…

That love would never find you
That it was too much to risk
That dreams would only mock you
Faced with trust, your heart, it twists

And you could have everything
But you’ve settled for nothing
It’s more comfortable to believe
That you’re not worth loving

And you could be bright
But you’ve settled to be dull
He’ll fling you into the light
He’ll seduce your timid soul

Love has found you when you didn’t want it to
And you think you’ve lost your mind
You’re terrified and blinded
By the beauty and pain of the light

He won’t give up on you now
There’s too much He’s sacrificed
He’ll shoot right through your plaster walls
He’ll break down every proud lie
He’ll destroy the deceit in your mind
He’ll make you feel loved, alive.

To believe won’t hurt you this time.

I've been with Alltel for two years, and my contract is over. The phone I currently have is the free one I got back when I signed up. At one point, I wanted to upgrade my phone. However, Alltel was charging these ridiculous prices. They were flat-out unwilling to work with me on the price. After that debacle, I decided that as soon as my contract ended I would jump ship to another company.

I began doing research and finally settled on Verizon as my choice as a new provider. However, my financial situation drastically changed and I am not in a position to pay a lot of money for a phone.

All the wireless providers are willing to give amazing discounts on phones in order to get a new customer. Ultimately, the service is more important than the hardware. If you can lock someone into a contract, the revenue they generate will outweigh the cost of acquiring the customer, and you wind up making a profit. And if someone buys a higher-end phone, they are more likely to use additional services. So the phones are practically given away in the effort to attract customers.

In a nutshell, that's what I'm asking you to do...to give me a phone. I've want LG's "The V" phone, and I will most likely stay with Alltel until I can get it. Amazon.com had a special offering $250 in rebates off the price of the phone, and I would have taken it, except my finances simply did allow me to take advantage of the offer.

I have been a good customer with Alltel. I've never missed a payment. Never had my phone shut off. I pay extra each month for text messaging, since that's all my phone can really do.
Last time I checked, I did not have to pay a deposit to switch to Verizon. I would be willing to sign a contract today if I could get the phone I'm interested in. I simply can't pay anything up front because of my finances.

A copy of this letter is being posted on my blog (demonkilla.com/blog), and I will also post any response I get from you. So...how badly do you want my business?

Apparently I have less "confidence in me" than I thought.

This, however, doesn't change the fact that it's still a catchy song.

What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
It could be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
My heart should be wildly rejoicing
Oh, what's the matter with me?

I've always longed for adventure
To do the things I've never dared
And here I'm facing adventure
Then why am I so scared

...

I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me

********************************************

Frauline Maria sure knew what she was talking about.

And to quote another lyricist (Simon & Garfunkle? Nope, Bob Dylan), the times...they are a-changin'.

You can tell when change is on the horizon. And I say...with a fair bit of confidence...things are going to change. For the better. Soon.

Opportunity will knock soon. When it does, I intend to be ready.

I doubt this song needs any introduction, so I won't introduce it. Just a snapshot of what's going on in my head at the moment. We'll see where it goes.

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you

Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

With or without you
With or without you

Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more

And I’m waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you

I can’t live
With or without you

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

My hands are tied
My body bruised, she’s got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
I can’t live
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you

I can’t live
With or without you
With or without you

I came home this morning, ready for bed. Tabitha was thrilled to see me, and was rubbing against my legs and staying close to me as I walked around the house. Then as I walk into my room, I hear "RRRRRWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOWWWWW!"

I had apparently stepped on my poor cat's paw.

She has since recovered.

I'm off to work on my first 13-hour shift. Feel the excitement.

This is from Ann Coulter's web site. I'd send you there, but couldn't find a permanent link. I love satire like this.

As my regular readers know, I've long been skeptical of the "Religion of Peace" moniker for Muslims — for at least 3,000 reasons right off the top of my head. I think the evidence is going my way this week.

The culture editor of a newspaper in Denmark suspected writers and cartoonists were engaging in self-censorship when it came to the Religion of Peace. It was subtle things, like a Danish comedian's statement, paraphrased by The New York Times, "that he had no problem urinating on the Bible but that he would not dare do the same to the Quran."

So, after verifying that his life insurance premiums were paid up, the editor expressly requested cartoons of Muhammad from every cartoonist with a Danish cartoon syndicate. Out of 40 cartoonists, only 10 accepted the invitation, most of them submitting utterly neutral drawings with no political content whatsoever.

But three cartoons made political points.

One showed Muhammad turning away suicide bombers from the gates of heaven, saying "Stop, stop — we ran out of virgins!" — which I believe was a commentary on Muslims' predilection for violence. Another was a cartoon of Muhammad with horns, which I believe was a commentary on Muslims' predilection for violence. The third showed Muhammad with a turban in the shape of a bomb, which I believe was an expression of post-industrial ennui in a secular — oops, no, wait: It was more of a commentary on Muslims' predilection for violence.

In order to express their displeasure with the idea that Muslims are violent, thousands of Muslims around the world engaged in rioting, arson, mob savagery, flag-burning, murder and mayhem, among other peaceful acts of nonviolence.

Muslims are the only people who make feminists seem laid-back.

The little darlings brandish placards with typical Religion of Peace slogans, such as: "Behead Those Who Insult Islam," "Europe, you will pay, extermination is on the way" and "Butcher those who mock Islam." They warn Europe of their own impending 9/11 with signs that say: "Europe: Your 9/11 will come" — which is ironic, because they almost had me convinced the Jews were behind the 9/11 attack.

The rioting Muslims claim they are upset because Islam prohibits any depictions of Muhammad — though the text is ambiguous on beheadings, suicide bombings and flying planes into skyscrapers.


The belief that Islam forbids portrayals of Muhammad is recently acquired. Back when Muslims created things, rather than blowing them up, they made paintings, frescoes, miniatures and prints of Muhammad.

But apparently the Quran is like the Constitution: It's a "living document," capable of sprouting all-new provisions at will. Muslims ought to start claiming the Quran also prohibits indoor plumbing, to explain their lack of it.

Other interpretations of the Quran forbid images of humans or animals, which makes even a child's coloring book blasphemous. That's why the Taliban blew up those priceless Buddhist statues, bless their innocent, peace-loving little hearts.

Largely unnoticed in this spectacle is the blinding fact that one nation is missing from the long list of Muslim countries (by which I mean France and England) with hundreds of crazy Muslims experiencing bipolar rage over some cartoons: Iraq. Hey — maybe this democracy thing does work! The barbaric behavior of Europe's Muslims suggests that the European welfare state may not be attracting your top-notch Muslims.

Making the rash assumption for purposes of discussion that Islam is a religion and not a car-burning cult, even a real religion can't go bossing around other people like this.

Catholics aren't short on rules, but they couldn't care less if non-Catholics use birth control. Conservative Jews have no interest in forbidding other people from mixing meat and dairy. Protestants don't make a peep about other people eating food off one another's plates. (Just stay away from our plates — that's disgusting.)

But Muslims think they can issue decrees about what images can appear in newspaper cartoons. Who do they think they are, liberals?

COPYRIGHT 2006 ANN COULTER

DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE

4520 Main Street, Kansas City, MO 64111

A few days ago I started praying for more money.

Last night I found out that my work shifts are going to increase to 13 hour shifts...from 11 hour shifts. This is going to result in some extra money, so it's good to know my prayer has been answered.

But 13 hours shifts??? God has some sense of humor.

1. Tackle a controversial subject. Preferably one that Christians will picket or, better yet, boycott.

2. Kill off a character. Doesn't matter who, though the character you kill will surely be nominated for Best Supporting Actor or Best Actor.

3. Include emotional, sentimental music. It doesn't have to be used in any sort of sensible manner, but make sure it's memorable.

4. Manipulate your audience. Tug at their heartstrings.

5. Give your story a beginning, a middle, and an end.

6. Use symbolism.

7. A good story. This is optional.

Yesterday morning I put the finishing touches on the web site for a documentary I want to do. Yesterday afternoon my internet quit working. After about 24 hours of phone tag with the cable company, we've determined that my cable modem/router has died and is no good.

It's possible that there was a power surge, as the modem was not plugged into a surge protector. But anyway, the router is dead and connecting to the Internet is now a pain. I don't really have the money to get another router.

The timing of all this is a bit odd, though. Were I more spiritual I may attribute this to supernatural forces. But I'm not.

Right?

Do you have a story relating to your church or your faith that is funny? Is it something that wasn't supposed to be funny, but was? If so (and I know you do), post a comment here about it. I'll explain later because I just found out I have to work tonight when I was supposed to have it off. So yeah, time to go to work.