From Lark news...

MySpace users unite to avoid Halloween's 'tract homes'

Now in all fairness to my sister, this may well be a plank in my own eye and merely a speck in hers, but I'm pretty sure I've pulled that particular plank out. She's ranted and raved about a Halloween display on her college campus, and while she's gotten a comment saying that it takes courage to air that particular opinion, I can't say that I agree.

Why is she upset? Because Halloween, that most evil of days, is being celebrated. While it's true that Halloween has some pretty bad roots, so does Christianity (anyone remember the Crusades or the Spanish Inquisition?). It seems pointless to me to stand around and complain about what awful things are associated with Halloween, and talk about how unfair it is that your favorite holidays are censored.

Halloween is part of American culture. It's a great opportunity for the candymakers and Halloween costume makers to make some money, and it gives people a chance to celebrate. It's come a long way from its roots, and I don't see that it's particularly harmful.

One thing that amuses me is how churches have alternatives for their members. They, too, have celebrations that involve dressing up in costumes, bobbing for apples, and people getting together to have fun. The just call them "Harvest Festivals" or something similar. If you're doing the exact same thing as the heathens but call it a different name, are you really being all that different?

Overall I think it's counterproductive. The sort of passion and outrage that my sister displayed is indeed admirable, but my advice to her would be that she channels it toward something that is truly outrageous.

My cell phone plan has 450 minutes. Nights and weekends are free. This, combined with the fact that no one ever calls me and I never call anyone else means that I never have to worry about going over my daytime minutes.

However, I've been a bit more social over the last few months. I got a call from my cell phone company the other day, and they told me that I owed them more than $300 and would I like to pay immediately?

I have made several large payments to them in an effort to get caught up on my bill, and to find out that I owe them so much was a shock. I logged on to their web site today to pay the least I could get away with and examine exactly what I was being charged.

The problem, I discovered, is that I've been going waaaay over on my daytime minutes. The good news is that my latest billing cycle has just started, and I can watch those daytime minutes before I go over my plan. I guess that my "Oh, there's no way I'll go over my limit" attitude has got to go.

It's an expensive lesson to learn (as in "goodbye new raise I just got"), but it's an easy fix.

A guy that I work with ran into a friend of mine from church. They discovered that they both knew me, and my church friend referred to me as someone that's "burnt out and bitter at the church."

I haven't really had a good conversation with this friend in several weeks, so if all the contact he's had with me is my blog, then I can understand why he thinks this.

I haven't had much contact with my church friends lately. Work has been consuming a large portion of my time and energy. In addition, I've stepped away totally from my responsibilities with Underground. The only thing I do with Underground is show up on Sunday evenings. I'm a spectator, and for once in my life I'm okay with it.

I'm sure it appears to others that my spiritual life is on the decline. I stepped down from leadership in Underground over the summer. A few months ago, I exited entirely. Now add to this picture the fact that I'm making some vitriolic statements about The Church and about Christianity in general.

I can almost picture the prayer requests being given out. Some would (and apparently do) say that I'm bitter. I don't think that "bitter" is the right word. Cynicism would fit better. My cynicism toward the church is the same as it's been in the past.

What has changed is that it's become clear to me that Christianity as I know it does not have the answers to Life, The Universe, and Everything. It has the answer to Life...namely Jesus Christ...but I'm not entirely sure how much of the rest we really have figured out. Prancing around as though we know everything is counterproductive and I, for one, do not intend to go along with it.

I've been concerned that I'm being deceived. The Bible does warn that in the end times, people will embrace doctrines of demons in order to hear what their "itching ears" want to hear. My motives could be wrong. I could be trying to justify my actions by rejecting Christianity as I know it, citing problems with its hypocrisy. Not a possibility I like, but one that I have to consider. Ultimately, though, I can't live my life by second-guessing myself.

I honestly feel that the current path I'm on is the right one, and I intend to follow it. God knows my true attitude, and if it's not right, he is perfectly capable of showing me the error of my ways. He has, after all, done it before.

I'm not abandoning my church-going activities. I'm not turning my back on my friends.

I'm in a different place, though. Not better. Hopefully not worse. Just...different.

Thank you for your concern, my friends. I really do think I'm okay, though.

Things with Lunch Date Girl have been going fairly well. We've been talking on the phone a lot and watching a lot of movies. I doubt that this will turn into anything serious or even last very long, but that's okay.

This is, however, taking up a lot of my time when I'm not at work. This is not a problem by any stretch of the imagination...it's not like I was doing anything terribly productive in the first place...but for some reason I wasn't expecting this particular side effect.

So if I've not returned an e-mail, please forgive me. It's taking me some time to figure out how to balance everything that needs to be balanced.

And off to work I go.

I've got a bona fide lunch date tomorrow.

And that's all I'm probably going to say about it.

I've been listening to John Meyer's new CD a lot lately, and this is a song I really like. Realistically, it's a very unhealthy viewpoint...but I can totally understand the sentiment.

It's really over, you made your stand
You got me crying, as well as you planned
But when my loneliness is through, i'm gonna find another you

You take your sweaters
You take your time
You might have your reasons but you will never have my rhymes
I'm gonna sing my way away from blue
I'm gonna find another you

When i was your lover
No one else would do
If i'm forced to find another i hope she looks like you
Yeah and she's nicer too

So go on baby
Make your little get away
My pride will keep me company
And you just gave yours all away
Now i'm gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and once for someone new
I'm gonna do somethings you wouldn't let me do
Oh i'm gonna find another you

I really don't have any commentary that would do this web sitejustice.

My sister, Jenny, sent me an e-mail in response to my last entry. I've decided to respond to portions of it here, since she is probably not alone in her position.

And on your Christianity rant, I would have to say I disagree. (Like you were expecting something different?) The examples you listed are not Christianity as a whole. At least, not as it should be. No, we shouldn't offer non-believers kindness just so we can draw them in. You're right, we're supposed to be known for our love, and naturally be kind and help other people, purely motivated by love. You're right, that doesn't happen often.

Jenny makes a good point. Is my problem with Christianity or with The Church? I see them as one and the same. The Church is composed of all Christians around the world. The Church defines how Christianity, the religion, is presented to the rest of the world. There are many different types of Christians, from Lutherans to Quakers to Catholics to Baptists to Pentecostals. When I refer to Christianity as a religion, I am referring to Christianity in the broadest sense...the basic tenets of the faith that all the various divisions believe in.

Check out this Wikipedia article about Christianity as a whole.

I'm not simply "a Christian." The sect I belong to is Pentecostalism, which believes that the works of the Holy Spirit are for this day and age, and did not die out with the apostles. Christianity, though, is the largest religion in the United States. It has its own subculture. There are Christian musicians, Christian radio stations, Christian books, Christian bumper stickers...a Christian alternative for just about everything you can think of. Those that know me know that I have some problems with this separatist mentality.

There is some hypocrisy to the way that Christianity in America is practiced. My sister acknowledged that in her e-mail. We profess to love unconditionally, but seldom is it acted out. I've gotten to know plenty of people who are not Christians, and most of them have stories about how The Church has hurt them in some way, shape, or form. The Christians that these people encountered were not practicing what they professed. They were judgmental, uncaring, hypocritical...and all in God's name. As a result, the people I've met have turned their back on The Church and Christianity; I think with good reason. They see no evidence that a profession of faith in Jesus Christ has changed the "Christians" they have known.

To say that this is somehow to be accepted or tolerated merely because Christians are not perfect is, to me, not an option. There is something very wrong somewhere along the line.

You said "Christianity, as a religion, has failed me." I honestly don't see how that is the case.

I say that Christianity has failed me because the things I was taught are not what I am finding to be the truth. Christianity teaches that we must convert nonbelievers into Christians, and then indoctrinate them until they are like us. Scripture, however, teaches that man's relationship with God must be restored, and then the Holy Spirit changes the person into the image of Christ. Those are two totally separate things.

Christianity teaches that we must continually ask God to forgive us of our sins if we want to go to Heaven. If you get run over by a truck before asking God to forgive you, you'll go to Hell because of the unconfessed sin in your life. Or if The Rapture were to occur before you said that all-important prayer, you would be left behind and endure a terrible seven-year period of worldwide tribulation. This leads to considerable anxiety.

Scripture teaches that we're not supposed to worry about anything, because God will care for us. This would also include whether or not some behavior will send you to Hell.

I could go on, but Jenny seems to make my case for me.

...Christianity (optimistically speaking) reflects Christ. The Church is the human representation of that, and consequently screws up quite a bit. The Church prays for rain but doesn't bring their umbrellas. The Church offers love only to those already in their community. The Church doesn't reflect on the true spirit of Christianity.

If the behavior of The Church (that's right, Christians!) does not reflect "the true spirit" of Christianity, then it means something about The Church is broken. It is not serving the purpose of promoting God's kingdom and freeing people from the chains of darkness. Instead, they exchange one type of slavery for another. Christ said that his yoke (a Jewish term for the teachings of a rabbi) was easy. The Church has managed to turn that easy yoke into a heavy burden. That's wrong, and I reject it.

# posted by Ben @ 9:54 PM 5 comments

  

The past several months have been pretty big for me on a personal level. I've had some experiences that have changed how I look at the world. Overall, I feel that they are positive and that I've grown as a result. I'm not going to detail all of them here, but let's discuss a few.

My Hearing
My hearing has improved, no doubt about it. It has allowed me to interact more easily with those around me. I'm no longer afraid of screaming children or motorcycles and the effect they will have on my ears. This is attributable only to God's healing power. Recruitment is not something that's reversible.

Leaving the Country
Going to Guyana was an eye-opening experience. Mainly, it made me glad that I'm located in America. I found that adapting to another culture is not as easy as it appears.

Hearing God's Voice
God talks to me. It's something I've not been willing to accept for a long time, mainly due to fear. Fear that I'm wrong. Fear that it isn't God. Regardless, I'm mostly over that. God has spoken to me about a few different things that have then happened, and this has helped me to put more trust in what I'm hearing. It's not something I necessarily understand, but faith is not about understanding. It's about believing.

Christianity
I really feel that Christianity, as a religion, has failed me. It has not left me adequately prepared to face several things I've had to face. One of those things is my struggle with hearing loss. What Christianity as a whole had taught me is that sometimes God heals people, and sometimes He doesn't. There's nothing that can be done once catastrophe hits, other than pray and hope God does something.

This is clearly not what the Bible teaches. When people in the Bible prayed, they expected a result. Because they did, God answered them.

Christianity prides itself on having all the answers to life. As I've discovered first-hand, it does not. Christ said that his followers would be known by their love. This is clearly not the legacy of The Church. We extend "love" to non-Christians like a carrot on a stick. If you conform to our ways, we'll accept you and love you. Otherwise, you're out of luck. Christians pride themselves on acts of kindness to nonbelievers...but what's the motivation behind these acts of kindness? It's to pull those nonbelievers into a church, convert them to Christianity, and make them a Christian as well. That isn't love!

Love is giving of yourself with no expectation of anything in return. It is giving and doing because it is the right thing to do. We say that the reason we do these "random acts of kindness" is because Christ's love lives in us. Yet we forget that Christ associated with those that the religious establishment had no place for. He didn't do it to win followers. He did it because he loved them. To truly follow in His example would mean loving and accepting those that our religious establishment deems unacceptable, and bringing change to their lives through God's power.

"Hate the sin, but love the sinner" doesn't work. To love someone, you must accept them as they are. If you reject any part of the person, you're rejecting the whole person. I don't see the role of a Christian being to fight sin. Sin is the result of a broken relationship with God. If you bring someone into right standing with God, then the person will naturally begin to change. We're focusing on the wrong things.

Doctrinally, I disagree with some pretty big things. I believe in the basics. There is a God. His son, Jesus Christ, came to the earth and died as a sacrifice for the sins of the world. I believe that the Bible is true. That's about all I'm willing to concede, though. There are some things that Christianity teaches that are definitely extra-Biblical. I don't have all my thoughts together on those things, so I won't be discussing them at this point in time.

If I do not believe those things, I cannot live by them. If I do not live by them, I'll be shunned by the Christians around me. It won't be anything personal, but that's just how our system works. I'll probably be placed on quite a few prayer lists, and I'll be regarded as "backslidden." Since I'll not be conforming to the path Christianity says I must walk to be accepted by God, I will not be accepted and loved by His "representatives."

I can't live my life to please other people. I have to live according to my own conscience.

Hmm. That was a bit of a rant.

I'm not saying I have all the answers. I'm not even sure how many answers I have. I still consider myself a Christian, because I do espouse the teachings of Christ. Christ Himself said that the only way to God is through Him (with the Him I'm referring to being Christ). I don't know where exactly this path is going to take me, but I'm going to walk down it.

My life's purpose is to honor God. With my actions, with my life. You may see it as a misguided attempt to...whatever...but I'm really trying to do what I see as being right.

Self-Confidence
My self-confidence has been growing by leaps and bounds.

And I have to say that I like it.