I got the urge to resume writing here not too long ago. Ever since, an entry has been germinating and now it's time to start writing and see what develops.

I lost my domain name, demonkilla.com, a while back because I didn't have the money to pay the bill. Since there wasn't much going on, I eventually quit writing entries because I'm a firm believer in writing only when I have something interesting to say. At least, something I find interesting.

Around the time I stopped writing this blog, I started going to counseling sessions at the UNCC counseling center. I've had recurring bouts of sadness on a fairly regular basis for years. I am at heart an optimistic person, so I would just try to make it through these times of sadness and tell myself it would eventually get better. And it would.

Every now and then I would get concerned because these times of sadness would develop into something more; actual depression. I actually lost my virginity during one of these periods of depression. I didn't recognize the depression for what it was until after the fact, but...man...that was a pretty rough period.

Anyway, fast-forward to this past February. I was having another run-in with depression, and a dear friend of mine from Australia convinced me to take advantage of the free counseling that my school offers to students. I was adamant that I wouldn't be put on medication, but I went anyway. I was tired of feeling like I was feeling, and if there was any way I could get beyond that or find some help, I would be open to it.

I've been going on a fairly regular basis, and the counselor I've been seeing has a habit of asking some very insightful questions that I, as introspective as I am, don't ask myself. Around a month ago, something changed. I have no idea what changed, exactly, but I realized I was different. At some point along the way I began to look at life differently...began to look at myselfI differently. The most important change, though, is that I stopped questioning myself about everything. I stopped trying to second-guess every choice I made. I stopped worrying quite as much as I did.

I can honestly say that now, for the first time in a long time, I am happy. I thought I was overall happy before, but it's only in the absence of this unconcious behavior that I've been doing for so long that I begin to see the difference. More importantly, it's a difference that I like.

I still have stress. Life is by no means perfect. It is, however, much better than it was.

And so I am going to get back to the basics of what this blog is about; yours truly. Me and my perceptions and thoughts. Since this is, of course, an interactive medium you are more than welcome to share your thoughts and feelings, both positive and negative. I know the people reading this blog...and I know that some of you are not going to be very happy at all with the things I'll be writing about. However, there are plenty of other blogs out there you can read if you don't want to examine things I'll be talking about. Believe me, at some point we'll hit some things that will be uncomfortable both for you to read and me to write. I'm going to do it anyway, though, because these are issues that are important to me.

So what issues, exactly, am I going to be addressing? Things that are important to me. One issue I love discussing is religion. I have some very harsh words for Christianity. I don't really know where I stand anymore....not that I've lost my faith at all...but it's more I don't know where I belong with other Christians. Some of the things I believe now are things that I would have found abhorrent or repulsive just 5 or 6 short years ago. I certainly know that when these things are made known that my family and other Christian believers that aren't privy to my views on things will be shocked, or hurt, or even put me on prayer lists. I don't even know what to call my beliefs. According to the way I used to believe...I wouldn't even classify myself as a real Christian these days.

The odd thing, however, is that I still have my faith. I still firmly believe that there is one, and only one Godl. I believe that he sent his son to live a perfect life and atone for our sins with his death. I believe that his death paid the penalty for all sin and allows us to have fellowship with God as we were intended to.

I still see the hand of God at work in my life. His timing is impeccable...his provision is enough for what I need. If I had turned my back on Him, then I would have to fend for myself in these matters. Yet I still see God providing for things I truly need in a way that only He can. I've felt him speak to me and reassure me that I belong to Him in spite of me wondering if I had lost my way.

Here are just a few of the issues I am working through at the moment.

• Is the Bible 100% accurate? Is it possible to believe that the Bible contains divine truth and is divinely inspired, but also look at certain parts as being fictional? If you say no, it isn't 100% accurate, then what do you have to base your faith on? How do you discern if one section is true and another section untrue? It's a slippery slope to get started on.
• The Christian Church is in dire need of change. In its current state it is an incarnation of an outdated world view, Modernism, that insists there is one absolute and ultimate truth which can be found and can be known. The world has changed and left the church behind. The Western world is now Postmodern. It no longer believes in one ultimate truth or that any truth can be fully known. There is much more uncertainty. I am not saying that Christianity shuld conform to the world around it. I am saying that people will not practice a faith that they feel has no relation to their ordinary everyday life. Increasingly, Christianity as it now stands has become outdated and irrelevant. If the Church truly contains a supernatural truth, it will find a way to adapt...because its current incarnation is dying.
• What makes someone a Christian? Is it saying a prayer? Is it going to church? Is it sharing your faith? Is it simply believing that some guy died and rose from the dead a long time ago? Is it agreeing not to smoke, drink, or associate with those that do? Where is the magical line that separates Believers from the Nonbelievers?

Trust me, there's more to come.

As you may have noticed, the design looks *much* different than it did. I felt it was time for a redesign, and I hope you like it.

Finally, the title of this blog has changed from (untitled life) to "Imago Dei," which means "Image of God." I was actually looking for a word having to do with metamorphosis, because I feel that I've undergone quite a transformation in the past few years. The word I kept coming back to was "chrysalis," which didn't seem right. A chrysalis is a stage that a butterfly goes through during its life cycle...but the next stage, the adult life cycle, is called "Imago," which is Latin for "image." I began looking for phrases with the word "Imago" and came across "Imago Dei." It seemed to fit. According to Scripture, I am made in God's image, so it's perfectly legitimate to name my blog that. Whatever I am, and whatever I do, I was created to live a life in God's image. It's a lofty goal, and some would say (and will say) that I have no right to even imply I am anything like God because of the life I lead and the things I do. I would say to those people that it's not up to you. It's up to God. As my cousin is fond of saying, "only God can judge me."

Unfortunately, others still try to make it part of their job description.

Thanks for reading. It's 1:30am and I am exhausted. Happy 4th of July...